22 Stolen Facts about Uchiha Itachi
by Nightly Halo
Summary: Ha, just thought this was a funny list to put up. If you love Itachi, then you have to read this, you'll be laughing pretty hard by the end of the list... NEW! CHAPTER 3 HAS BEEN ADDED!
1. Chapter 1

These are 22 Stolen Facts about Uchiha Itachi. And before you ask yes i have a quizilla account (kenshin197) and i transferred it here cuz I was bored D

* * *

**Disclaimer:** I no own this list or Uchiha Itachi...this list is in fact stolen...and I'm not the first to steal it...it's sort of a 'chainletter' 'cept way cooler D

Hope you enjoy!

* * *

1.) Itachi's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. 

2.) Itachi does not sleep. He waits.

3.) Itachi does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Itachi goes killing.

4.) Itachi counted to infinity - twice.

5.) Itachi sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled Sharigan ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Itachi kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

6.) If you can see Itachi, he can see you. If you can't see Itachi you may be only seconds away from death.

7.) When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Itachi.

8.) Itachi is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

9.) When Itachi sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Itachi has not had to pay taxes ever.

10.) Itachi has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

11.) Itachi can touch MC Hammer.

12.) Itachi sleeps with a night light. Not because Itachi is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Itachi.

13.) To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Itachi smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes.

14.) A blind man once stepped on Itachi's shoe. Itachi replied, "You, who have never measured your own capabilities; had no idea of Itachi's." The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal Kick delivered by Itachi.

15.) They once made a Itachi toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.

16.) Itachi ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

17.) Itachi once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes making out with his waitress.

18.) Itachi appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a kick, instantly killing all players.

19.) Achilles was supposedly the greatest warrior of all time, but he died because of his weak spot, the Achilles tendon. There is no Itachi tendon.

20.) According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Itachi can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.

21.) Itachi died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

22) If Itachi is late, time better slow the fuck down.

* * *

XD that's pretty interesting ne? -laughs- 


	2. Chapter 2

* * *

**22 Stolen Facts About Uchiha Itachi...continued!**  
dun dun duunnn,...

**A/N: **Hey everyone! I made a continuation of the list...'cept this second chapter i actually made...hope you enjoy (I used alot of Chuck Norris quotes and Itachi-fied them...so...yeah...don't yell at me cowers in fear)

Well, here's the second and maybe the last installment. Enjoy!

**There are slight spoilers in here...but I doubt you'll pick up on 'em **

* * *

23.) If you spell Uchiha Itachi in scrabble you win. forever.

24.) Itachi recently had the idea to sell his own shit as a power pill. Ninja's know this as 'soilder pills'

25.) Itachi isn't funny. Stop laughing.

26.) What's 50 times Uchiha Itachi? Oblivion.

27.) Itachi doesn't read scrolls. He glares at them until he learns the jutsu he wants to know.

28.) February 29th only occurs every 4 years because when Itachi killed his family he decided to erase this day as well.

29.) When Itachi walks on water his feet don't get wet, the water get's Itachi.

30.) If you can't slaughter your clan on the first try and leave your younger sibling with many mental problems, then you're not Itachi.

31.) Itachi is the reason Kyuubi is hiding in Naruto.

32.) in Konoha there is a legend of a ninja who will one day become a hero. That ninja is not Itachi because Itachi killed that ninja.

33.) The quickest way to Sasuke's heart? Itachi's fist.

34.) Itachi got into Akatsuki not because he killed his clan, but because Akatsuki didn't want him as an enemy

35.) Kisame is blue because Itachi scared him so bad the first time they met his skin never recovered from being so pale.

36.) Orochimaru has a thing for Sasuke because he's to scared to go after Itachi.

37.) Sasori once told Itachi that Naruto was cute. Itachi roundhouse kicked Sasori in the face so hard that he coughed up his heart and his body went flying into the 4th demension. That is why Sasori has a puppet as a body.

38.) The 'Big Bang' was actually Itachi roundhouse kicking Kami in the face.

* * *

**A/N: **Hope you liked it! Review if you like!

Ja matte!

XxLin


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **Hey guys! Long time no update! This is my holiday present to you. Hope you like it :D

* * *

**Chapter 3 of Stolen facts about Uchiha Itachi **

Leading causes of death in the ninja world? 1) War. 2) Itachi. 3) Cancer.

Itachi has two speeds. Walk. and Kill.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of things Itachi allows to live

Ninja's don't kill people. Uchiha Itachi kills people

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Itachi

Itachi counted to infinity. Twice.

When Itachi does a push up, he isn't lifting himself up. He's pushing the earth down.

Itachi is so fast that he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Itachi doesn't get frost bite, he bites frost.

Itachi goes from march 31st to april 2nd. Noone fools Uchiha Itachi.

Itachi can speak Braille

On the final exam in the Konoha academy Itachi put down violence as the answer to every question. He got a 100 because Itachi solves all his problems with violence.

Orochimaru sent one of his snakes to bite Uchiha Itachi. After 5 days of excruciating pain, the snake died.

Orochimaru owns a pair of Itachi pajama's

If you play Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" backwards you can hear Itachi banging your sister.

Itachi doesn't have hair on his balls because hair doesn't grow on steel.

Itachi can play the violin with a piano.

Ghosts are actually caused by Itachi killing ninja's faster then Kami can process them.

Itachi doesn't pop his collar. His clothes just get erections from touching his body.

Itachi is always on top during sex because Uchiha Itachi never fucks up.

Uchiha Itachi likes to knit cloaks in his free time. And by 'knit' I mean 'kick', and by 'cloaks' I mean 'babies'.

Deidara once beat Itachi in a game of tic tac toe. In retaliation Itachi took Deidara's left eye.

Itachi doesn't use pick-up lines. He simply says "Now."

Itachi doesn't play "Hide-and-seek" he plays "Hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."

Itachi is currently in a legal battle with Bubble Tape. Uchiha claims "6 feet of fun" is actually the trade mark for his penis.

Itachi once had an erection lying down. The people in China-feeling that their own penis' were pathetic in comparison- now have the smallest penis' in the world

Kunai's dodge Uchiha Itachi.

We all know the magick word in a sentence is please. As in "Please don't kill me." Too bad Itachi doesn't believe in magick.

The grass is always greener on the other side. Unless Uchiha Itachi has been there, then it's soaked in blood and tears.

When observing a Uchiha Itachi roundhouse kick in slow motion, one finds that Uchiha Itachi actually rapes his victim in the ass, smokes a cigarette with Asuma, and then roundhouse kicks them in the face.

If you have 500yen and Itachi has 500yen, Itachi has more money then you.

When Uchiha Itachi was denied a Udon soup at Ichiban Ramen stand because they only served ramen, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a KFC.

Someone from the Akatsuki once asked Uchiha Itachi how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF Uchiha Itachi!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his team member's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "What the fuck? Why a Woodchuck!?" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

* * *

**A/N: **Okay! That's another chapter…the last rhyme I had a hard time with…lol. As long as there are Chuck Norris facts then these chapters will keep coming. Happy new year and holidays! 


End file.
